In Christ Alone

Shame & Being Single

2010-01-04T12:17:00.001-06:00

"So, why aren't you married yet? Maybe you just need to get out a little more, eh? What, too picky? Well, at your age, you really can’t afford to be so choosy…”

Perhaps like me, you've found yourself on the other side of one of these conversations. It’s usually a well-meaning relative who poses the barrage of questions between forkfuls of turkey and mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner, while the rest of the family gradually tunes out the football game and tunes into my embarrassing conversation. Despite the Joshua Harris books, the John Piper podcasts, and the studies in 1 Corinthians 7, in those excruciating moments, I feel ashamed of being single.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the roles of women in the Old Testament. These ladies were living under the Old Covenant, when God's kingdom grew through physical births. Ever since the first family on earth received the creation mandate in Genesis 1 (be fruitful and multiply) women had been doing just that. They contributed to the growth of God's kingdom by bearing children and training them to know and worship the Lord. Sadly, women who could not bear children experienced tremendous grief and shame. Some were mocked or criticized by family members. Others saw their barrenness as a sign of God's disfavor.

I think many single women today feel a similar sense of shame and confusion in regard to being single. In my own heart and in conversations with other single girls, I have heard echoes of the struggles these barren women must have faced. Single women, too, wonder how we can contribute to the growth of God’s kingdom outside the roles of wife and mother. Sometimes family members say things that hurt our feelings. Like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and Hannah, we live in the faith-building tension of trusting in God’s goodness while certain good things are withheld.

As I looked into the issue of barrenness in the Bible, I came across a wonderful, prophetic directive in Isaiah 54.

“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married… Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your offspring will possess the nations and will people the desolate cities.” Isaiah 54:1-3

This prophecy is about a new era, one in which the concepts of family, birth, and growth have to be reconsidered and redefined. And guess what? We live in this era! Under the New Covenant, single women don’t have to wonder if we can make significant contributions to the growth of God’s kingdom. His family no longer multiplies through childbearing, but through spiritual rebirth and the adoption of sons and daughters from many different families. Now, anyone can participate! More than any other person in history, Jesus expanded God's kingdom and He did so without getting married or having children. If there was ever any shame in being unmarried or childless, Jesus has removed it. In fact, he brought honor to those positions by embodying them during his life on earth.

I am determined (not successful, but determined) to esteem whatever gifts God decides to give me this year. I won’t be ashamed of my portion. Instead, I am going to break out into song, throw back the curtains of my tent, and strengthen my stakes. I want to introduce wandering orphans to the Father of the Fatherless, to my maker and husband.

P.S. Check out the rest of Isaiah 54. It's great!

Don't Despair

2009-08-17T11:48:00.004-05:00

I was just reading Terry Virgo's blog post from this past Friday and was very encouraged by it. Here is an excerpt:

David lamented, ‘One day I’ll die at the hands of Saul.’ Clearly, the temptation to despair was very real for him. He was away from Israel, his homeland, and he thought, ‘I’ll be killed. It’s inevitable.’ He nearly gave up. But then he voiced that beautiful Psalm: ‘I would have fainted if I had not believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.’

Many good people have nearly despaired and have cried out in desperation to God. Elijah prayed, ‘Take my life from me.’ Others, like Moses and Jeremiah, almost reached the place of suicide. Perhaps you’ve been overwhelmed by similar dark thoughts and have cried out, ‘Oh, God, I can’t bear this!’ But somehow God has given you the strength to go on.

Sometimes the pruning is hard. Maybe your fiancé broke off your engagement or you’ve lost your job. Perhaps a loved one died suddenly. Maybe you had a disabling accident or discovered a close friend has cancer. In situations like these, we are tempted to despair. David nearly did. ‘Why have you rejected me?’ he asked God. ‘Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’ But he refused the temptation to give in to hopelessness. ‘Put your hope in God,’ he urged his soul, ‘for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.’

If you'd like to read more of Terry's blog, click here.

Jesus, Rich in Compassion

2009-07-31T11:34:00.002-05:00

As he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him,"...You know the commandments:‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’”

And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.”

And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. (Mark 10:17-22)

Neatly dressed, self-possessed, with an intelligent face and a purposeful stride--this is how I picture the man in this passage, who is referred to in the other gospels as the rich, young ruler. I wonder what was going through his mind as he wove his way through the crowds of Jesus' followers toward the Teacher himself. Did he glance discreetly at the disciples' rough robes and travel-worn sandals? Did he compare them with his own fine clothes and the glitter of the rings on his fingers? When he peered over his shoulder to make sure that his servants were still waiting with his camels, did he notice that none of these people had either servants or camels?

Whatever his impressions of Jesus' followers, the rich, young ruler managed to find Jesus and respectfully pose the question that would define him in Scripture. "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus starts talking to him about the law, and the rich young ruler shakes his head, unsatisfied with this answer. No, I've already tried that, he tells Jesus, wanting a different solution. So, Jesus offers this man a way out from under the law--sell everything you own and follow me, he says. The young man's face falls. This wasn't the answer he was looking for. Slowly, he turns and walks away.

The rich, young ruler stands out to me among the multitudes who came to see Jesus. Unlike many of his contemporaries, he understood that the law was not able to produce life in his soul. Sadly though, he still had the idea that righteousness could be obtained through the right system. So when he asks Jesus how he can have eternal life, I think he's not so much looking to be saved as he is searching for a better set of rules. When Jesus offers a new relationship governed by one rule--make Me your treasure--the man walks away disappointed.

Mark says it was Jesus' love for the rich, young ruler that moved him to offer such a challenging invitation. In his great compassion for us, Jesus will identify the thing that keeps us from following him and demand we give it up. Whatever it is, he will ask us to love him more than we love that.

Wendy Virgo on Influential Women

2009-07-29T13:21:00.013-05:00

It's been pretty quiet around the office this week, so I've been enjoying listening to some podcasts and recordings. I've especially enjoyed a series of three talks that Wendy Virgo did on the topic of Influential Women. These talks cover the role of women, how this role reflects truth about God, and how we can uniquely influence the culture around us.

Here are links to Wendy's Influential Women series:
Session 1
Session 2
Session 3 (This is a link to the website where this talk will be posted--it's not yet available)

And here's a short bio on Wendy Virgo from the Newfrontiers website, in case you are not familiar with her.

Wendy is a popular speaker, traveling widely both in the UK and internationally. She has written many book including Leading Ladies, Women Set Free, Mainly for Mothers and Mary: Mother of Jesus. She is married to Terry Virgo and they have five grown-up children.

Anger Management

2009-07-24T17:10:00.004-05:00

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. For the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness of God. Therefore, put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls."

Sin is frustrating. Frankly, it often makes me angry--angry with myself and angry with others. I can testify, though, that James' evaluation in the verses above is accurate: anger does not produce righteousness, not in me and not in others. Thankfully, God has given us some instructions in the verses above about how we can relate to one another in a way that shuts down anger and promotes righteousness, and how we can fight the inner battle of self-loathing and instead respond to the Spirit.

First, how can we respond to each other in a way that dispels anger and promotes righteousness? In typically practical terms, James says we can be eager to listen with understanding ("be quick to hear"), have a humble hesitancy to voice our own opinion ("be slow to speak"), and determine that we will not be easily provoked ("be slow to anger"). It's pretty simple advice, but in the heat of an argument, things can look complicated. My mind swirls with accusations and comebacks and "Oh no, you didn't!"s. I need simple.

What about when we are angry with ourselves? Sometimes I think my conscience has been replaced by the world's worst soccer coach. He berates me for all my mistakes, pointing each one out and telling me that I must be a fool, an idiot, an ingrate to keep messing this stuff up. But you know what? After one of those internal tirades, I never find myself resting in God's steadfast love or considering the ransom he paid for my sin. Do you know why? Because self-loathing is not repentance, and therefore, won't help us receive grace. Usually, this kind of anger is pride. I'm angry because I think I should have performed better than I did (the inner soccer coach takes over here), and I reproach myself out of pride.

So if I can't change my heart by reproaching myself, what am I supposed to do? Heaven knows I don't want to stay the way I am! James says first to "put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness;" simply, to stop sinning. Whatever it is, quit doing it. Then we are to "receive with meekness the implanted word." The Greek word translated as meekness is an interesting one. It means to be reined in, as in the way one would use the reins to direct a horse. It doesn't have anything to do with weakness, but with being controlled for a purpose. James says to receive from God as one being reined in, for the purpose of righteousness. And what are we to receive? "The implanted word, which is able to save your souls." I think this implanted word is the Holy Spirit, the ever-present counselor who plants God's words in our hearts to convict and encourage us. We can fire the angry soccer coach and rely on the Spirit to help us see our sin and turn from it.

A Fashion Manifesto....A Fashifesto?

2009-07-22T14:15:00.007-05:00

I recently saw the fashion manifesto posted above on another blog and had to laugh....and agree. It can be found in its original form on the aptly-titled website, www.tightsarenotpants.com, along with downloadable, printable fliers.

Summer School

2009-07-03T12:57:00.003-05:00

During one of his talks at Celebration Midwest, Terry Virgo recommended a book by Andrew Murray called With Christ in the School of Prayer. I'm just a few pages into it and already feel encouraged to pray more and eager to encounter God in this way. Here are a couple of excerpts:

"I feel sure that as long as we look on prayer chiefly as the means of maintaining our own Christian life, we shall not know fully what it is meant to be. But when we learn to regard it as the highest part of the work entrusted to us, the root and strength of all other work, we shall see that there is nothing that we so need to study and practice as the art of praying aright."

"We have become so accustomed to limit the wonderful love and the large promises of our God, that we cannot read the simplest and clearest statements of our Lord without the qualifying clauses by which we guard and expound them...God means prayer to have an answer, and...it hath not entered into the heart of man to conceive what God will do for his child who gives himself to believe that his prayer will be heard."

Doesn't it make you want to spend your summer in the school of prayer? If so, Andrew Murray's book can be purchased from Amazon here, and Terry Virgo's talks from Celebration Midwest are available as free downloads here.

Fashion Fridays

2009-06-26T11:04:00.004-05:00

To tell you the truth, I don't shop very much in the summertime. It's my least favorite season as far as clothes are concerned. This year, however, I've noticed lots of gorgeous dresses out there. Take a look at this little number...

Embroidered Sundress - Topshop USA

Summer, I take back everything I've ever said about you. You're not so bad, really.

The Road to Capernaum is Paved With Politics

2009-06-25T10:55:00.013-05:00

I've had the opportunity to transport groups of teenagers to summer camp on long road trips. Something I enjoy about those hours on the highway is listening to their conversations. Sitting behind the wheel in my sunglasses, eyes on the road, I can listen intently during these unguarded moments and learn a great deal about the lives and hearts of my fellow travelers. I wonder what the conversation on the road trip to Capernaum was like. Because the Bible says "disciples" and not specifically "the twelve," this group of travelers probably included many of Jesus' followers, not just the twelve main dudes. They had just come from an intense teaching session in Galilee during which Jesus revealed that we was going to be killed (Mark 9:30-32).

I imagine this teaching was weighing heavily on their hearts, and kicking a rock out of the road with his sandal, maybe one of them finally said, "Look guys, I hate to even bring this up, but someone will have to pick up where Jesus leaves off. John is one of Jesus's closest friends. He could complete the mission." After a moment of stunned silence, perhaps someone replied, "No, no, that won't work. John's great, but he just doesn't have that spark. We need a leader who is bold and fearless. I think I could follow Peter if Jesus...you know...wasn't around anymore." Then another guy pipes up, "Peter's got a lot of grit, but he's just so argumentative..."

I wonder what the twelve disciples were thinking as their leadership potential was being debated. Did they chime in? Did James say, "I think John's great (really, you know I love you, John) but you guys are right--he doesn't have that thunder that Peter's got." What about those who were found lacking in leadership potential? I wonder if Andrew was a bit miffed that no one thought to throw his name out there as a potential candidate. Maybe Thomas thought, What makes any of these guys think they're cut out for leadership? Peter wouldn't last a day. Honestly, I'm the only one with sense enough to lead this group.

Jesus is so gentle in the way he reveals our sin. In Mark 9:33-37, we read that he waited until he was alone with his disciples at the house (not publicly rebuking them) and asked, "What were you discussing on the way?" He is well aware that they were not discussing, but were in fact arguing. And not just arguing, but arguing out of pride and ignorance. His question causes them to re-evaluate their conversation, giving the Holy Spirit room to work. The Spirit makes them aware of their true motives, and their guilty silence answers for them.

However, Jesus is not interested in guilt trips unless they are short detours on the way to renewed understanding and freedom from sin. He does not say, "Don't do this," without also adding, "Do this instead." So he gathers the twelve for a lesson in servat leadership. "If anyone would become first, he must become servant of all." In God's kingdom, we do not promote ourselves, we devote ourselves. I think that Jesus wants his followers to see themselves as caretakers rather than competitors. The greatest thing we disciples can do is immitate Jesus by forsaking self-promotion and devoting ourselves to others, especially to those who, like children, can offer us nothing back and may not even appreciate our sacrifice. In this way, we immitate Jesus, the Greatest of the Great, who did not consider equality with God something to be held onto, but who humbled himself in love and gave himself up for us (Ephesians 5:1-2, Phillipians 2:1-8).

Why Are You Here?

2009-01-06T23:51:00.010-06:00

This past Sunday, one of the pastors at my church posed an important question: why are you here? There are vast, metaphysical answers to that question. I was challenged by it in a more personal and practical way.

During the meeting that morning, I had been entertaining an attitude that sometimes tempts me. It's a lethal combination of bitterness and self-pity that interrupts my otherwise healthy relationships with thoughts like, I don't belong anywhere. Everyone else has moved on. This attitude sneaks into my thought life, and plants seeds of ingratitude and indignation. How could they forget to invite me? I can become so wrapped up in nursing my wounded pride that I miss or don't appreciate opportunities right under my nose.

As I was saying, this attitude had crept in and was working behind-the-scenes all morning, distracting me from worship and tempting me to be ungracious with my friends. Thankfully, God broke in on the drive home, and reminded me of why I'm not here. I'm not at Christ's Church because everyone here is just like me. That's not why I'm committed to loving and serving and doing my best to build up this church family. Paul had some things to say about being different:

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body.... If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. (1 Corinthians 12:14-15,17-18, ESV)

If I could paraphrase these verses, I might say, "The church does not consist of one type of person, but many. If the single person should say, 'I'm not married, I guess I don't belong to the church," that would not make her any less a part of the church. If the whole church were married, where would the children's ministry volunteers come from?" (Don't know about your church, but a lot of singles who fill these spots in mine.) "But as it is, God brought together the members of the church, each one of them, as he chose."

Our different organs make it possible for us to do more stuff. And just like a body with a variety of parts, the church is composed of different and distinct people. We come from a variety of backgrounds, incomes, and places in life, but when our diverse components come under the headship of Christ, each part's function contributes to the health of the whole group. Our differences glorify God and build up one another. Instead of thinking of myself as the part that doesn't fit, I want to think of myself as uniquely positioned to serve. And then, I want to do just that.

Girl Talk with John Piper

2008-11-15T11:43:00.005-06:00

Chicago is a long road trip away from where I live, so I didn't go to the True Woman 08 Conference that was held there in October. However, I have been enjoying videos of the main sessions which have been posted to the conference website. Many national conference organizers do this now, and I am very grateful. Here's a recording of John Piper's talk, "The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood." The rest of the main sessions can be found here.

Fashion Fridays

2008-11-14T14:51:00.001-06:00

With the holiday season fast approaching, I think it's time to resurrect the ol' Fashion Friday tradition. Some of the blogs I read feature Martin Lloyd Jones Mondays or John Piper Fridays, but you will see nothing that substantial in this post. Just really incredible boots....see below.

This little number is already on my wish list at Urban Outfitters.com. Also available in black, if any one's interested.

Have a great weekend!

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

2008-11-12T23:38:00.002-06:00

Picking up where I left off in the last post, I believe Jesus' ministry continues today. He lives in us and preaches the Gospel to our souls every day. He cures our diseases and fights Satan on our behalf. He enables us to serve. Even more importantly, he is alive in the church, which is his bodily presence on earth. Jesus is doing marvelous things through us as a whole, although on an individual level, we may look like a sorry lot. I love the lyrics to the Sara Groves song, "When the Saints." Here's a portion:

"I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
I see the young missionary and the end of the spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear
I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the lepers side
I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion coming, kicking down the door
I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load
And when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them"

It reminds me of all the ways in which the Church is carrying out our commission. Jesus actually told his followers it was better for him to depart and send the Spirit. (See John 16:7) Better? How can that be?!? I think Jesus meant that for the Church as a whole, having the Holy Spirit was even better than having His bodily presence because the Holy Spirit can be with many people in different places all the time. And, the Holy Spirit lives in us, can shape our innermost being. That means that Jesus can enable his followers to do his work all over the world, just like those who Sara Groves sings about. And anytime we want to talk with Him, worship him, or cry out for his help, we don't have to wait for a person to show up. He is already with us. I'm reminded of another song, "What a friend I've found, closer than a brother..."

I have found that Jesus is the best and most reliable friend I've ever had. He is honest, kind, generous, loyal, powerful, patient, compassionate, exciting, instructive, interesting, interested (in me and others), wise, helpful, valiant, perfect in his encouragement and his conviction--and so much more. To serve someone like him is an honor. To be called his friend is astonishing and wonderful.

So, Jesus....How Was Your Weekend?

2008-11-11T20:50:00.010-06:00

I'm not sure what your Saturdays usually look like. Mine are pretty relaxed--sleep in, spend time with friends, maybe read a book or catch a movie. Recently, I read a passage in Luke that describes a Saturday in Jesus' ministry (4:30-41). He had just arrived in Capernaum and began his day at the synagogue, teaching with authority that astonished his listeners. At some point in the sermon, a demon-possessed man interrupted Jesus, announced Jesus' messiahship, and threw himself on the floor. Jesus didn't miss a beat and immediately silenced the spirit, commanding him to leave the man. And that was His morning.

Next, Jesus headed to Peter's house, where he was introduced to Peter's sick mother-in-law. Jesus rebuked her fever and she promptly began serving as hostess. By dusk, word had spread throughout the town that a visiting rabbi had shaken up the synagogue and the spirit world. As the sun set and the sabbath concluded, sick and possessed crowds fill the streets outside Peter's home, anxious to be touched by this man with a power that makes darkness shudder.

By the end of the day, Jesus had healed everyone who came to him. My study Bible points out that he could have performed a "group healing" and gone to bed early. Instead, he tends to each person's need. Jesus "laid his hands on every one of them and healed them" (Luke 4:40).

What a beautiful picture of Jesus' ministry this passage paints. Both then and now, the broken and weak line the way to the only One who can help us, hope and hurt written across each face. We don't know much about him yet, but we know he is powerful and kind. Along with David, we can testify "that you, O God, are strong and that you, O Lord, are loving" (Psalm 62:11-12) Who is like Jesus? He confronts evil and sickness without reservation and with total victory. He takes time to teach and talk to people, and isn't just concerned with displaying his power and authority. And this was one day in his ministry! I am so impressed with Jesus--on Saturday and every other day!

The Peasant Princess

2008-10-13T19:40:00.007-05:00

My roommate (another single lady) and I have been watching Mark Driscoll's current teaching series on the Song of Songs called The Peasant Princess. Driscoll interprets this book of the Bible literally for the most part and does a fantastic job of approaching it with good exegesis, practical application, and of course, humor. Both my roommate and I look forward to watching the new segment each week, and we both feel that we've learned a lot! The topic of marriage is more immediately applicable for her since she's in a relationship that is moving steadily in that direction.

I think it's important for singles who would like to get married to learn all they can about marriage ahead of time. When I travel to a different country, I like to look through a guidebook before I go. I'll pick out specific locations I want to visit, make sure I have a basic understanding of the manners and customs, and try to learn a few helpful phrases in the local language or dialect. And that's when I only plan to spend a few days or weeks somewhere! I hope to spend years being married, so my preparation should be all the more intense. What qualities and disciplines do I want to cultivate? What traits should I snuff out? What should I be looking for in a husband? How should I dress and talk and relate to men? What aspects of marriage can I anticipate now and what should I be careful to avoid? These are questions I am seeking answers to.

You can watch video recordings of the series here.

Four Minutes on Feminism

2008-10-10T00:13:00.005-05:00

One of my favorite bloggers and authors, Carolyn McCulley, has posted a mini-documentary on feminism to promote a new book she's written. She offers a brief overview of the development of feminism and its impact on women today. I have almost finished reading Carolyn's first book, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? (don't be put off by the title) and hope to dig into her second book, Radical Womanhood, soon. Check out these links:

Watch the video

Read Carolyn's blog

Find her books on Amazon

Desiring God Conference--Audio & Video Up!

2008-10-06T22:41:00.004-05:00

I've started watching video from the 2008 Desiring God National Conference, and I have not been disappointed! Speakers include John Piper, Mark Driscoll, Sinclair Ferguson, Paul Trip, Bob Kauflin, and others. You can listen to the audio, read the transcripts, or watch the video from your computer. Here's a link directly to the page. Enjoy!

Leaves & Lewis

2008-09-17T15:53:00.004-05:00

The changing of seasons invigorates me. When fall waltzes in, I feel a light breeze blowing through my own soul, sweeping away the dead leaves and lifting the humid blanket of summer. I find the harvest ripe, the sun bright, and familiar paths, though often taken, have a new appeal for me.

C.S. Lewis offers an insightful perspective on the changing seasons. Here's a quote from The Screwtape Letters, which I thought you might like to ponder on one of your autumn walks:

He [God] has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm. He gives them seasons, each season different yet every year the same, so that spring is always felt as a novelty yet always as the recurrence of an immemorial theme.

Mark Driscoll Interviews John Piper

2008-09-08T22:41:00.004-05:00

Today, I listened to a recording of Mark Driscoll interviewing John Piper. I am a huge fan of John Piper and a growing fan of Mark Driscoll, so I found this interview delightful. John Piper talks about growing up, raising a family of his own, understanding his wife, and some of the personal challenges he has experienced. After listening to him preach and reading some of his books, I admire him and am deeply grateful for his words. It's nice to know he was a kid once. And he had to learn how to have a good marriage. And looking back, he wishes he had parented differently. It's nice when those folks I tend to put on pedestals become real people in my mind. Other John Piper fans may enjoy the interview, too. You can watch it on video at The Resurgence.

Questions for Sinlges Considering Marriage

2008-09-03T22:29:00.006-05:00

The Lord has sometimes challenged me with questions about my feelings and motives concerning marriage. I am still thinking about all of these questions, even years later, and have not completely answered any, but God has used them to graciously reveal my heart to me, which is sometimes painful and always valuable. Maybe he will do the same for you. I encourgae my single friends to prayerfully consider the following:

1. Do you think more about the kind of husband you would like to have or the kind of wife you would like to be?

2. Do you appreciate marriage for its own sake or do you simply think of it as the ultimate form of acceptance?

3. What are the habits you hope to have as a married person? (For example, keeping a tidy house, being industrious, and being a good steward of time and money) Are you forming them now as a single?

Man Uses Barbie Fishing Rod to Make Record Catch

2008-09-01T22:57:00.014-05:00

Fri Aug 22, 2:51 AM ET ELKIN, N.C. - David Hayes' granddaughter just asked him to hold her Barbie rod and reel while she went to the bathroom. He did. And seconds later he landed the state record channel catfish at 21 pounds, 1 ounce. Alyssa's father had bought the pink Barbie fishing rod for Christmas and she had caught a few bluegill before her grandfather hauled in the catfish.
The Winston-Salem Journal reported the catch Aug. 5 in eastern Wilkes County has been certified as a record by the North Carolina Wildlife Resources Commission. Hayes and his granddaughter have been fishing in the pond behind his house since she was big enough to hold a pole. Hayes said his granddaughter worried he would break her rod. He landed the 21-pound fish on a 6-pound test line. It was 32inches long, 2 inches longer than the rod.

Yesterday, I was thinking about evangelism and remembering with much disappointment that I've never shared the Gospel with any success. Or at least, no one I've talked to about Jesus has decided to accept him. I've concluded that I will never be much of a fisher of men, since it appears that I'm using pretty poor equipment. However, this story reminded me that while Jesus said he would make his followers fishers of men, he did not say he would give us all the same fishing pole. Maybe I should keep talking to people, keep praying for them, and see what God might do with my version of the Barbie fishing rod. Here's a video about the famous catch:

Fashion Friday

2008-08-31T13:38:00.001-05:00

As we near the end of August, I am offering a tribute to cold weather fashion. This snugly little hat is available from Ron Herman (at a totally unaffordable price, of course).

George Mueller on Personal Devotions

2008-08-28T10:25:00.005-05:00

Below, I've copied and pasted a (long) selection from George Mueller's autobiography. He shares what God has taught him about the purpose and benefits of meditating on Scripture. In case you are not familiar with George Mueller, he was an English dude who cared for over 10,000 orphans in his lifetime, all without making a single financial appeal. He literally prayed in his funding, millions of dollars worth. He took such good care of the poor that, at one point, he was criticized for raising them above their "natural station." Basically, I love him. So, here you go:

"...I saw more clearly than ever that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord. The first thing to be concerned about was not how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man might be nourished.

For I might seek to set the truth before the unconverted, I might seek to benefit believers, I might seek to relieve the distressed, I might in other ways seek to behave myself as it becomes a child of God in this world; and yet, not being happy in the Lord, and not being nourished and strengthened in my inner man day by day, all this might not be attended to in a right spirit.

I began therefore to meditate on the New Testament from the beginning, early in the morning. The first thing I did, after having asked in a few words the Lord's blessing upon his precious word, was, to begin to meditate on the word of God, searching as it were into every verse, to get blessing out of it; not for the sake of the public ministry of the word, not for the sake of preaching on what I had meditated upon, but for the sake of obtaining food for my own soul.

The result I have found to be almost invariably this, that after a very few minutes my soul has been led to confession, or to thanksgiving, or to intercession, or to supplication; so that, though I did not, as it were, give myself to prayer but to meditation, it turned almost immediately more or less into prayer. When thus I have been for a while making confession, or intercession, or supplication, or have given thanks, I go on to the next words or verse, turning all, as I go on, into prayer for myself or others, as the word may lead to it, but still continually keeping before me that food for my own soul is the object of my meditation.

[Formerly,] ....I almost invariably began with prayer, except when I felt my soul to be more than usually barren, in which case I read the word of God for food, or for refreshment, or for a revival and renewal of my inner man, before I gave myself to prayer. But what was the result ? I often spent a quarter of an hour; or half an hour, or even an hour, on my knees, before being conscious to myself of having derived comfort, encouragement, humbling of soul, etc.; and often, after having suffered much from wandering of mind for the first ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour, or even half an hour; I only then began really to pray.

I scarcely ever suffer now in this way. For my heart being nourished by the truth, being brought into experimental fellowship with God, I speak to my Father and to my Friend (vile though I am, and unworthy of it) about the things that he has brought before me in his precious word.

As the outward man is not fit for work for any length of time except we take food, and as this is one of the first things we do in the morning, so it should be with the inner man. We should take food for that, as every one must allow. Now what is the food for the inner man? Not prayer, but the word of God; and here again, not the simple reading of the word of God, so that it only passes through our minds, just as water runs through a pipe, but considering what we read, pondering over it, and applying it to our hearts.

How different, when the soul is refreshed and made happy early in the morning, from what it is when, without spiritual preparation, the service, the trials, and the temptations of the day come upon one!"

Chapman Family on Larry King Live

2008-08-25T23:13:00.004-05:00

Today, I listened to a Focus on the Family podcast with Steven Curtis Chapman. You may remember that the Chapman family suffered a terrible loss a few months ago when their five-year old daughter, Maria, was accidentally run over in their driveway by their 17-year old son, Will Franklin. This family has gone through unimaginable pain, and their sweetness, transparency, and faith as they talk about this tragedy is admirable. It makes me love them. One of the most moving parts of the interview was when Steven talked about what happened in the moments immediately following the accident. The ambulence was on its way to a hospital, where dotors would pronounce Maria dead on arrival, and a neighbor offered to drive Steven there. As they headed out of the driveway, Steven saw his son, Will, crumpled on the ground and being held by his brother and sister. Steven knew that his son's heart was breaking, that he was being pummeled by agony and guilt. He rolled down his window and yelled with all the volume and conviction he could muster: "Will Franklin, your father loves you!"

Isn't that like our Father, whose son was killed and who looks at us, the culprits, and says again and again, "I love you"?

The Chapman family was also interviewed on Larry King Live. You can watch the interview in a series of six video clips on Youtube.

A Discerning Hunger

2008-08-18T15:43:00.009-05:00

In his novella, Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad describes the depravity of hunger:

"No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it out, disgust simply does not exist where hunger is; and as to superstition, beliefs, and what you may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze."

I have not experienced the kind of hunger Conrad describes, but this quote made me think about some of the similarities between physical and spiritual hunger. Physical hunger reminds me that my body needs things it cannot produce on its own, namely food. However, we experience hunger not only so that we eat food, but for the larger purpose of sustaining life. Likewise, spiritual hunger reminds me that I am not self-sustaining and that my desires are meant to lead me beyond mere satisfaction to life and righteousness. I could dig for my meals in a dumpster and walk away feeling full, but I probably wouldn't live very long if I made that my habit. Similarly, I could fill the desires of my soul with things that produce a sense of satisfaction, but ultimately lead to death.

Paul told the Corinthians, " 'Everything is permissible'—but not everything is beneficial...not everything is constructive" (1 Corinthians 10:23). Our English word "holy" is derived from the root, hal, meaning whole, and from which we also get the words hale and healthy. In order to be holy (whole, healthy), we have to feast on the food of God's word, revealed in the person of Jesus and imparted through the Holy Spirit. Plenty of things will satisfy, and they are not all bad, but we must ask God for a discerning hunger, a craving for his provision that will not be satisfied with any fullness obtained apart from righteousness.

In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus encourages us to pray confidently for these things :

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." Matthew 5:6

Let's ask God to develop in us a hearty appetite for the Bread of Life, a decided preference for the fare of Heaven, a daily indulgence in fresh mercies.

Fashion Friday

2008-08-15T15:43:00.001-05:00

Wouldn't I like to tromp around through the fallen leaves in these this autumn....but not for $1200. Take off a couple of those zeros and it's a nice little daydream.

Zucchini Bread....Sort Of

2008-08-10T23:19:00.004-05:00

I found this recipe for Two-Colored Squash Loaf Cake, which is sort of like zucchini bread, and made it this weekend. My friends loved it (or else they just love me and were faking it), so I thought I'd post it here in case anyone else wants to try it. Please note: I used extra vanilla, left out the pistachios (only because I couldn't find any unsalted ones), and used 3/4 cup white sugar and 1/2 cup brown sugar instead of 1 1/4 cup white sugar. Enjoy!

The Glory of Grace in the Smallness of Man

2008-08-10T22:26:00.013-05:00

William Cowper was born into a Christian family in England in the early 1700s. He was upper middle-class and well-educated, but from an early age, he suffered severe bouts of depression and anxiety. Some historians believe he was physically and sexually abused by a bully at boarding school. Although he experienced literary success as a popular poet, every other area of his life was a disaster. He had an estranged relationship with his father, several failed romances, and he tried to commit suicide repeatedly. In his thirties, Cowper was admitted to an insane asylum. No one knew what to do with him. But God's hand was guiding Cowper through this dark time.

In the asylum, William met a Christian doctor who told him about Jesus. He received Christ, and experienced the powerful transformation of regenerative faith. He was released from the asylum and was befriended by a Christian family, who welcomed him into their home and introduced him to a man who would become one of his dearest and most faithful friends, John Newton.

Later, William penned these words as he reflected on his salvation:

There is a fountain filled with blood
Drawn from Emmanuel's veins,
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Loose all their guilty stains.

E'er since by faith, I saw the stream
Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme,
And shall be till I die.

(From "Praise for the Fountain Opened")

Though truly changed by Jesus and part of a loving community, Cowper still fought battles with his old demons. He went through periods of excruciating doubt concerning his salvation. At one point, he felt that he could no longer live and resolved again to commit suicide. He called a cab and ordered the driver to take him to the Thames River, intending to jump off the London Bridge. As the driver started toward the river, a thick fog descended and he got lost. He drove around for a while, attempting to get his bearings, but never did. Eventually, he dropped Cowper off, and to Cowper's surprise, he had been dropped off at his own doorstep. Again, God's sovereign hand held out life and grace to this man. Later, he wrote these words:

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

(From "God Works in a Mysterious Way")

Cowper never became what you might call a well-balanced Christian. Although there were periods of his life when he could think clearly and act rationally, his struggles with anxiety and depression were lifelong. Despite his flaws, faithlessness, and even insanity, God has used William Cowper to encourage the saints for hundreds of years.

Isn't it wonderful that even our worst parts display God's steadfast love, his never-ending kindness to his own? May the glory of God's grace be revealed in my smallness, too.

Fashion Friday

2008-08-08T09:29:00.007-05:00

If there ever comes a day when I am ridiculously wealthy and the whole world has food, shelter, clean water, and healthcare, plus all the churches have all the money neccessary to meet all the needs in their respective communities, then I'm going to shop at Stella McCartney. And maybe I'll buy this. In the meantime, I'll wait for the Target knockoff.

Doug Fields on Student Leadership

2008-08-05T23:56:00.010-05:00

I came across a video that Doug Fields made to show a group of youth ministry workers before a luncheon. He has some great things to say about demonstrating the value of servant leadership, versus presenting leadership as a privilege of popularity. It's about eight minutes long, and I found it thought-provoking and worth the time. Here's the video.

Desiring God National Conference

2008-08-05T12:26:00.006-05:00

Oh, how I wish I could make it to this one! Check out the speaker lineup for Desiring God's 2008 national conference, The Power of Words and the Wonder of God. By the way, isn't that a great title? All of the audio/video from last year's conference is available on-line, so that we can benefit from what these men have to say without making the trek to Minneapolis. Maybe they'll broadcast live over the internet during the conference. Dare I get my hopes up? Being taught by men like John Piper, Bob Kauflin, Mark Driscoll, and Sinclair Ferguson is a pretty awesome thing in itself, but if I could learn from them in my pajamas with a bowl of popcorn in my lap....that might be even better. Maybe I'll follow in the footsteps of another blogger, Adrian Warnock, who watches conferences via internet and live blogs his notes. We'll see.

Anyway, three cheers for organizations like Desiring God, the Resurgence, and Newfrontiers, who make so many of their resources (like conference recordings) available for free.

Five Things I've Learned About Modesty, Part 2

2008-07-31T14:29:00.005-05:00

And now the last three points in this article, as promised....

3. Modesty is a form of service.
I understand the temptation to dress immodestly at church, from a girl's point-of-view anyway. You're interested in a guy and this is the only place you see him, so you wear your cutest clothes on Sunday morning, hoping to catch his eye. You don't want to be tempting, you just want to be noticed. Ladies, that is dangerously naive. Christian women have to realize that there is an enemy on the loose who wants to devour our brothers in Christ. He will use every trap and snare available to do that. We can serve and protect our brothers by not letting ourselves be used by the Enemy to gain a foothold in their lives through lust.

Have you ever been to a wedding where one of the guests was obviously over-dressed? I'm thinking of a specific example, and this woman's outfit was too fancy, too tight, and way too sparkly. It was as if she wanted people to look at her instead of the bride. When we walk into a church meeting dressed immodestly, we are like the wedding guest who wants to steal attention from the bride. God deserves to be noticed for His beauty, glorified, and gazed upon when Christians gather. We serve God's interests, rather than our own, when we dress modestly at church services and anywhere, really. CJ Mahaney writes, "Modesty is humility expressed in dress." It takes humility to be more concerned with God's glory and our brothers' good than with getting attention and being admired.

Recently, I've seen the service side of male modesty in action. One of the leaders at my church took a guy from our youth group aside and spoke with him about the way he was dressing. This young man serves the church in a very public way, and some of the clothes he wore were offensive to other people. Rather than insist on his right to wear whatever he wants or cling to his sense of personal style, this young man graciously accepted the correction and has dressed differently since then. The trust and respect of those he serves is more important to him than what he wears.

4. Modesty is a compass.
Over the years, I've noticed that my attitudes about modesty are a good way to gauge where I am finding my sense of worth and whom I want to please. Peter wrote these words to the women he pastored:

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. (1 Peter 3:3-5)

The desire to make ourselves and our surroundings beautiful is feminine, God-given, and appropriate. But our Lord also wants us to know that there is an inward beauty which surpasses outward beauty. This inward beauty is the fruit of faith, and it is very lovely in His sight. Godly women of the past consistently found their sense of worth and security by hoping in God and not in their charms or abilities.

Recently, I've been reading through Wayne Grudem's Bible Doctrine, and I came across the section on God's beauty, which means that God possesses all desirable qualities. I do not possess all desirable qualities, much to my dismay. And periodically, this is an area that Satan targets. However, if it is faith that beautifies and beauty means possessing all desirable qualities, then I can conclude that by faith, God will create in me every quality that he finds desirable. So, here's what I've learned to say when Satan taunts me with my less-desirable qualities: “Yes, it’s true that I am no Miss Universe, but my savior is the Beautiful One and He is transforming me into his likeness.” And that being said, I tell the devil where to go.

5. You can’t legislate the heart.
Modesty starts with the heart. Like so many other issues we deal with, a set of rules won’t guarantee the right attitude. Rather than making a long list of do’s and don’ts (hemlines down to here, necklines up to here), maybe we should ask ourselves some questions.

Whom do I want to please most?
Where do I find my sense of worth?
To whom am I drawing more attention--myself or my Lord?

I have also found accountability helpful in this area. I have friends who will talk to me if I wear something I shouldn't. You can also ask Christian guys questions about modest dress. Some of the girls in our youth group impressed me one night by asking a male youth leader whether a style they liked was modest or not. I was proud of the wisdom they showed in asking this question and their willingness to follow his advice. They were truly concerned with being helpful to their Christian brothers.

I'll leave you with one final insight from CJ Mahaney. He says, "The gospel message is the motivation for modest dress," and quotes a passage from 1 Timothy that precedes some instructions on modesty:

This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all.... (1 Tim. 2:3–6)

If you are interested in reading CJ's chapter on modesty, you can find his blog at http://www.sovereigngraceministries.org/Blog/

ONEBLAZE Reflections

2008-07-29T12:07:00.007-05:00

Wow, what a week! I returned from ONEBLAZE camp on Sunday, where I had been since Tuesday, along with one other counselor and 14 middle/high school students. We have a great group of students--lots of fun, wonderful personalities, hearts that are truly for God. Overall, I would say it was a great week. It had its low points (some discipline issues), but the high points far exceeded them. For example, a girl from our group was healed, several were filled with the Spirit, some had prophetic words for others, many engaged in conversations with strangers and invited them to church, and the list goes on. One group of girls even prayed for a man they met while cleaning up the neighborhood, and he was healed on the spot!

I believe God is at work in our youth and has been for some time. What we saw this week was the culmination of many things the Lord has done in them over the years. Through times of worship, study, and fellowship, He has been preparing them for good works and simultaneously, preparing good works for them. I am excited to see what else He has in store for us this year. As their leader, I am anxious to seek God on their behalf and do my best to cooperate with what He is doing in them. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be meeting with other leaders and making plans for the Fall. We have lots of ideas and lots of faith and I think it's going to be a fantastic year!

Five Things I've Learned About Modesty, Part 1

2008-07-21T11:24:00.006-05:00

A while back, one of my favorite bloggers, CJ Mahaney, posted excerpts from a chapter on modesty that will appear in his new book, Worldliness. CJ's insights have been very helpful, and they have reminded me of other things I've read on this subject, as well as conversations I've had with other people. Not that I've arrived, by any means, but I want to pass on what I've learned and to hear your thoughts.

So, this is the first half of a two-part post. I plan to post the second half next week after I get back from Oneblaze Camp in St. Louis. Hopefully, I'll have internet access at camp and I'll be able to post updates on all the amazing things that happen while I'm there! But for now, here are the first two lessons on my list...

1. Modest does not mean unattractive.
I used to think modest meant frumpy. This disappointed me because I hate denim jumpers, and I put the turtle in turtle neck (those things swallow me whole). However, I have learned that the goal of modesty is not to make ourselves totally unappealing to the opposite sex; the goal is to honor God with our appearance. Oddly enough, I learned this from 1 Corinthians 11:3-5 and 13-15, the infamous head-covering passage:

"Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved....Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering."

So....a veil for every girl and a crew cut for every guy, right? I don't think so. Paul is telling the Corinthians (and us) that there is a created order to things and it can be expressed through the way we dress. Just as Christ is submitted to the Godhead, so are men submitted to Christ, and women are submitted to men. Paul sees the veiling of women as an outward expression of this created order.

A woman's veil and her long hair symbolized the authority she was under. Veils are light, not heavy; they provide protection; they can be clearly seen by others. Similarly, the leadership of men in is not a heavy burden, it is for our protection, and it is visible in daily life. In Paul's culture, a woman who did not wear a veil was letting everyone know she did not belong to any man--she was a prostitute. A woman who did wear a veil was letting everyone know that she belonged to someone, and that she was under his protection and authority.

Most girls had fathers who censored their dress while they were at home. ("You're not leaving the house dressed like that!") Why did our fathers bother to do that? Probably for two reasons: they wanted to protect us from guys with bad ideas and they were concerned for the reputation of their families. Although I am no longer living at home, I have a heavenly Father who wants to protect me and I have a family, the church, whose reputation I do not want to compromise with my dress. I belong to the Lord, and I am under his protection and authority. I want my appearance to express my complete trust in Him, his design, and his boundaries.

2. Modesty is not exclusively a women’s issue.
Because I used to think the goal of modesty was to keep guys from lusting, I also thought modesty was something only girls had to consider. If, however, modesty is about honoring God with our appearance, it's something men AND women can demonstrate. In the passage from 1 Corinthians 11, Paul says that it is shameful for a man to wear a head covering or to have long hair. This is because, as stated above, a veil symbolized the covering of authority and protection that God has put in place for women. For a man to wear a veil would be for him to say he doesn't want to be a covering--he wants some protection of his own. He wants to put some distance between himself and his responsibilities. It was a way for him to hide, and it was this attitude, demonstrated by dress, that Paul confronted.

Are these instructions still relevant today? I don't know any guys who struggle with the uncontrollable desire to put on a veil, so surely we can skip over this passage, right? Maybe not. While the manifestation of the attitude Paul confronted has changed, I think the attitude itself is still present. Many authors and bloggers have commented on a cultural trend that's been dubbed adult-escence. It's a tendency that has been observed mainly in men (sorry, guys) to avoid adulthood and put off things like getting a job, getting married, and getting a car with hub caps. Paul observed a similar tendency in the Corinthian men, although it took a different form, and his instructions to them are still relevant today. He told them their appearance should express an acceptance, rather than a rejection, of their God-given role. Men can dress in a way that communicates that they are not the kind of guys to hide from manly, mature responsibilities and are willing to be a form of covering and protection for others.

As for what male modesty looks like on any given day, I confess, I'm not really sure. I do think that guys who walk around with their underwear hanging out are probably not convincing anyone that they have accepted their God-given roles and responsibilities. Of course, I don't know their hearts and you can't judge a book by its cover. The thing is, why make it more difficult for people to take you seriously? Paul tells Timothy not to let anyone look down on him for being young. With the way they present themselves, some guys are practically begging people to look down on them for being young.

John Newton and Humility

2008-07-20T16:01:00.009-05:00

On the plane to England last week, I started reading a biography by Jonathon Aitken called John Newton: From Disgrace to Amazing Grace. From the introduction on, I have thoroughly enjoyed this book. I love this man, his story, and what God did through him, which was so monumental that it still affects you and me 250 years later. I probably feel as much affection toward John Newton as it is possible to feel toward a dead person whom you've never met.

One of the things I am learning from him is how to cultivate humility. In his personal journals and his public sermons, Newton spoke openly about his struggles with sin. He honestly (sometimes ruthlessly) evaluated himself, his motives, and his actions, often concluding that he was selfish, idolatrous, and foolish. However, John Newton was also convinced that Jesus had paid the penalty for his sins and that he was loved by God. His awareness of his own sin coupled with his firm belief in Christ's sufficiency were the keys to Newton's humility. One of those convictions without the other would have proved disastrous. His humble heart was the result of a healthy knowledge of his own sin and a deep understanding of God's love. As he said near the end of his life, "I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great savior."

John Newton's example makes me want to be more open about my sins, to glory in them the way Paul did when he wrote, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me...For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor 12:9,10). I want to pray like this:

God, I confess I am moody, irritable, impatient, short-sighted, ill-mannered, and I find it hard to say nice things about certain people. I am sorry that I am all of those things, and I am so thankful that your wonderful son, Jesus, went to the Cross, bore my shame, and paid my penalty. Thank you, Father, for sending your Son. Thank you, Jesus, for obeying perfectly. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for revealing these things to me. I have faith in your power to use me and change me. Make me a blessing to you and to the nations.